The Essential Grandparent

Some readers of our latest Messenger saw the article “Male Role Models: Essential to Child Development” and asked a very good question: what about grandfathers? The story focused on the important role fathers have in raising their children and, in the absence of a father, the responsibility mothers have in finding strong male mentors for their children. And yes, we neglected to suggest grandfathers (and grandmothers) as mentors for children!

Proverbs 17:6 tells us that “children’s children are a crown to the aged.” In addition to what children learn from adults of different genders, they need to learn from people of all ages. Grandparents should never think they’re “too old” to meaningfully influence their grandchildren. A Focus on the Family article puts it this way: Children “need to know that they are loved, accepted and wanted. They need verbal and physical affection. They need loving authorities in their life, people to give them counsel, set boundaries and hold them accountable. They need someone to share God’s love with them. Age is no stumbling block for meeting these basic needs.”

Those in the older generation should be role models since they carry with them their family’s history and values. But the AARP is honest about the fact that grandparenting can be tricky. Some grandparents don’t live close to their grandchildren, while the “other” grandparents do. Often, grandparents disagree with the way their children are parenting. Dr. Lillian Carson is the author of “The Essential Grandparent,” and she cautions that “We must earn the right to voice our opinion … by establishing a supportive relationship with praise, encouragement and assistance.”

The AARP also points out that “boundary conflicts” can easily happen, especially regarding how much involvement parents want grandparents to have in their children’s lives. Sometimes, parents get so busy that they leave grandparents out. Other times, parents assume grandparents have unlimited time to jump in as babysitters. Grandparents, in such instances, should try to resolve the conflict as quickly as possible. Because most of the time, grandparents “can be caring companions, thrilled and honored to spend time with our grandchildren. And we can tighten the bonds of our families by sharing, with our own children, the joy we take in their children.”

Let’s not forget that grandparents, for various reasons, are increasingly raising their grandchildren. According to the most recent Kids Count, 5 percent of Kentucky children –
50,000 – are being raised by their grandparents. We at Sunrise are grateful for all the ways grandparents enhance the lives of their grandchildren. What you do helps keep kids in safe homes – where they should be.

If you’re a grandparent, share with us your experiences as a mentor. And if you’re a grandchild, let us know how your grandparents have impacted your life.

 

Comments

[Andy Stapleton]

Where would I be without my grandparents? They have always made me feel "loved, accepted and wanted." Their support has been unfailing, especially when it was most needed. Thank God for great grandparents!

[Johnnie]

I am raising 3 of my granddaughters. I am so thankful that I was able to rescue them from abusive/neglectful parents. However, at 52 years old it is often exhaustive work. On top of typical child rearing challenges, because of the abuse/neglect, these children have many special needs. There are few resources for grandparents raising their grandchildren. In the United States it is becoming more and more frequent that grandparents are facing raising grandchildren. I would like to see Sunrise and other agencies look at this population and look to providing services.