An in-depth Associated Press story brought to the nation’s attention last week a fact we’ve known at Sunrise for some time: that the risk of child abuse is markedly higher in nontraditional families. “This is the dark underbelly of cohabitation,” University of Virginia sociologist Brad Wilcox told the AP. “Cohabitation has become quite common, and most people think , ‘What’s the harm?’ The harm is we’re increasing a pattern of relationships that’s not good for children.”
I echo his assessment. Sunrise is unapologetic about believing children have the greatest chance to be safe and happy in the family structure God designed – a married father and mother. Certainly, there are exceptions. We see children every day who have been abused and neglected by their biological parents. And many single parents do a great job of keeping their kids safe. But as the AP story clearly documents, the “abusive-boyfriend syndrome” is very real.
The AP listed a dozen recent fatal child-abuse cases in which the convicted or alleged perpetrator was the unmarried companion of the slain child’s mother. Among the most serious is the case of 25-year-old Derek Chappell, who was sentenced to death this month for drowning a 2-year-old boy in 2004. Prosecutors say his motive in murdering the boy in an apartment complex swimming pool was that he saw the child as an obstable to his relationship with the mother.
There are about 1,500 child abuse deaths in the United States each year. Statistics don’t reveal how many happened because of abusive boyfriends or stepfathers who don’t have a biological connection with their partners’ children. But in such living situations, there is more potential for mistreatment of the children.
“The risk (of abuse) to children outside a two-parent household is greater,” according to Susan Orr, a child-welfare specialist in the federal Department of Health and Human Services. “Does that mean all single parents abuse their children? Of course not. But the risk is certainly there.”
The federal government currently is conducting a comprehensive survey on child abuse. A similar 1996 study showed that children of single parents had a 77 percent greater risk of being harmed by physical abuse than children living with both parents.
The story of Oscar Jimenez Jr. tragically illustrates the worst of what can happen. He was 6 years old when he allegedly was beaten to death by his mother’s live-in boyfriend in California. His body was discovered buried beneath concrete bags and fertilizer in Phoenix. Oscar’s mother has pleaded guilty to assisting her boyfriend with hiding her son’s remains and keeping quiet about the killing for months. At the funeral, a family friend made a plea that I know is important for everyone to hear: “To all the mothers in this world who may find themselves in a difficult situation or harmful relationship: know that there is always, always someone willing to help if you would just reach out.”
Sunrise ministers to more than 2,000 children and families every year. We help hurting kids who’ve survived in abusive households. Many times, we help reunite them with at least one of their parents who has made significant changes in his or her life in order to provide a healthy home.
If you’re a single parent, what has your experience been? How have you kept your child safe?
When I found myself as a single parent, I took time to really consider this new situation. Decisions had to be made about my life, and that of my son's. What kind of life was I going to create for us? When it came to deciding to date, I made two specific decisions; first my son and raising him is my priority and secondly that he would not meet or be around any guy until after I got to know him. Even then, he would not be left alone or in the care of a "boyfriend". There was no need to even risk trusting his care to someone I don't know well. Besides, providing his care is my responsibility not that of someone I'm dating. If the guy doesn't understand the priority your child has in your life, he's not worth spending time with. My standards for my life and that of my son are high and may mean that I don't have the big social life. So be it. Putting my life aside for a period of time to raise him in a safe and healthy environment, is a small sacrifice with a huge blessing.
Posted by: kht | November 28, 2007 at 11:32 PM